he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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