He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
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