I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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