i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
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