Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
