I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
