how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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