This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
They took my balls.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
