Sorry, I don't speak sober.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
