I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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