OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
