ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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