I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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