Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I'm passing your future prison.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
