all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
