...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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