sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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