Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
