Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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