Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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