Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
