Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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