i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
