I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I FOUND THE LEGS
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
