about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
