I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
