We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
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