You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
