you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
