I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
