Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
