porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
