We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
