she looked like the bat from fern gully.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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