we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
