at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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