i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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