I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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