Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
