Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Randomize
