i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
