Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I don't think brook has ever known best
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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