I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
