So drunk, too bad you don't want this
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize