Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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