How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
