It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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