This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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