My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
