she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
