she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
There's always time for handjobs
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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