perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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