i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
