True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
