Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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