i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
