i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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