So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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