OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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