This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize