how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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