Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
