Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
