i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
