I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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