why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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