No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
We're too hungover to prance.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
