i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
